We all have stories to tell about fond childhood memories of Christmas morning. That sheer joy when you burst open the sitting room door to see toys everywhere and anywhere, your stocking bulging by the fire place, unreal feeling. Well when I was a chap I had chronic bad asthma, So many a time I took a shocking bad asthma attack on Christmas morning with the pure excitement, I’ve often spend half of Christmas morning wedged to the nebulizer before I could even play with my toys. Sitting there in the vest and briefs, red as a tomato and the chest rattling like a useless lawnmower!
Well this one Christmas morning I acted the bollix something shocking, here’s my story..
One year when I was about 6 or 7, like most gossons that age I was in my prime for old Saint Nick, I could not wait for Christmas morning to come around. I use to hounnddd the aul lad every day in December “daaaa, would ya say the elf’s have my toys built by now??”.. “not yet Rory, you have to keep being good right up to Christmas day, or they will stop building yours and move onto the good boys and girls toys, don’t you understand!!?”. “Ok dad!”
Well this one year I had requested the ‘Sega mega drive’ (serious computer altogether!) from the big red giant. Christmas Eve finally came around and I was wired, not only could I not sleep that night but I was actually sitting up in my bed rattling with excitement, not a hope of me sleeping!
As every minute crept by of every hour I’d sneak into my big sisters room pleading with her to come downstairs with me to see if Santa had arrived “Carolllllll, will you come downstairs with me and see if Santa came!!?” “NO Rory, go back to bed.”(It was only later in life I understood why she didn’t want to rush down the stairs in hope of getting a glimpse of Rudolph and the lads).
It came to 4am and I couldn’t take it anymore, “I’m going for it” I thought to myself. So I crawled through the hall, took each step as quiet as I could and headed down to paradise. As I opened my sitting room door, there were presents everywhere, one side of the room had a pile of presents and a note on top ‘Rory’ and the other side had a note ‘Carol’. I started to rip all mine open like a mad man. Then eventually the moment of truth came, I found my Sega “yeowww ya rooster”.
I had finished opening up all my presents in no time, I then glanced over at my sister’s pile, while thinking to myself “sure she doesn’t care about Santa or her present’s ill open wann, she won’t mind!!” Suddenly, one turned in to every jaysusin present. I then ran upstairs, clearly full of adrenaline, shook the living life out of her in the bed and in about 47 seconds I had told her every last detail of what she had got from Santa, from her ‘dream phone’ (the most wanted present by the lassies at the time, a huge surprise that she wasn’t expecting to get!!) all the way down to the spice girls pencil case, every last detail!!
As you can imagine this didn’t go down to well,
I suppose it was about 4.17am and she let an unmerciful yelp from her bedroom, a kind of yelp that would wake a corpse.. “dadddddyyyy, Rory opened all my presents from Santy and told me what I got” as she balled her eyes out.
I could hear my aul man rattling the house getting out of the scratcher. I ran into my room and hid under the covers. He first calmed my sister down and then ordered me out to the hall to explain myself, “Rory come out here now.. Rory come out, come on” I eventually came out from my bedroom like a mouse peeping out at a lump of cheese on a trap, “Well Rory, what have to you say for yourself!!?” Says the aul lad, (standing in the hall in his finest dressing gown). “Well go on, explain!??”, so I stood there twiddling my fingers and toes and said in a very soft voice “I’m sorry da, but ya see I met Santa downstairs and he said because I was such a good boy this year I could open a few of Carols presents as well as mine, not my fault!!!”.
The father just stood there, as you can imagine he was fairly taken back by this pure genius of a comeback, in fairness he only really had one option and that was to accept this comeback, or else he was going to have to tell me the truth about the greatest lie in the history of childhood. So no doubt he just stood there and thought to himself “such a comeback, ya little bollix ya !!”
By god I fluked that one!!
Happy Christmas folks, enjoy the day, and go handy on the poor owl turkey!!